H.A.R.D

Hard, is probably the best word to describe having two children ages 2 1/2 and 6 months. Don't get me wrong, I love them and wouldn't change a thing...it's just hard. It's hard to have the time to play with Cason in between Kellan's feedings. It's hard to hold Kellan as much as he and I would both like because Cason wants to be played with. It's hard to cook dinner every night with a sweet little 2 1/2 year old that just wants mommy and daddy's attention and a sweet 6 month old that doesn't like to be in a room by himself.

Potty training is hard. It's hard to give Cason the time and attention he deserves so we can master this task because we've been doing feedings for Kellan every 3 hours and breathing treatments every 4 hours. But, Cason loves it when mommy and daddy praise him, and frankly doesn't care if we aren't harping and asking that question that is oh so common, "Cason, do you need to pee pee?" It's hard to help Kellan reach his milestones like sitting up because we are trying to potty-train his big brother.

It's hard to work full-time and be a full-time house keeper and mommy. It's so hard to keep the house clean and cook dinner every night. It's hard to work all day and not come home and just play. It's hard to be the best nurse I can be, when I just want to be home picking up the house or spending time with my family.

It's hard to be the best wife I can be, and the wife and partner I want to be. It's hard to have an entire adult conversation with Chris because we are constantly feeding, playing or asking that pesky question I mentioned earlier. It's hard to stay positive for Chris and remind him of how lucky I feel to be his wife and the mother of his kids. It's hard on me because I know I don't tell Chris nearly enough that I appreciate him. I appreciate all he does with the boys, he's the best daddy in the world. He's so good at bath time with Cason, and all he has to do is look at Kellan and Kellan smiles from ear to ear. It's hard to keep our relationship a priority and hard to take advantage of any alone time we may have (we usually just sleep, LOL).

Life is hard, especially right now. However, I know it will get easier, and believe me, I'm so thankful for the life I have. I love my boys and my husband and honestly, I have no idea what I would do without them. As I write this and weep, it's not a plea for sympathy or help. It's because I needed this. I needed to sit down and pour out my feelings and admit that I struggle. I try so hard to be the perfect wife, mother, sister, daughter, friend and nurse and every once in a while I get tired. Between sickness, new jobs and lack of sleep, my emotions are demanding to get out. So, I thank you for listening and hopefully understanding fully that I come from a place of peace in knowing this is normal. Feeling this way and being exhausted is normal...a part of it. So, thank you.

Don't know what I would do without these boys.

My boys and me on Mother's Day